*That Kid*

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That Kid

A few weeks ago I came across a conversation (among many others) on Twitter about dealing with children’s behaviour in school. One tweet which stuck in my mind was from a teacher in response to a popular blog on the subject. It read ”Massive drain on teacher time is dealing with *That Kid*”

I spent a long time considering how to try & fight *That Kid*’s corner, however with every idea came questions I’d like to ask that teacher. I decided that in order to try and change their opinions, I must first try and understand how and when they started seeing problems to be fixed rather than children to be supported. Without the background information and understanding, how can I help? How can I change those opinions? How can I help them to see past anything other than a problem to be fixed?

*That Kid*’s story………..(Permission has been gained to share, although It’s adapted slightly to ensure anonymity)

P started on the road to becoming *That Kid* in year 2. He screamed, kicked and punched his way into school everyday. He screamed at pupils, his teachers and the dedicated TAs assigned to help him. He screamed until he crossed the threshold to the classroom where he suddenly became silent apart from his quiet sobbing. P’s mother was excluded by other parents, her parenting questioned and judged by teachers who openly stated it was ‘a home problem not a school based one’. She didn’t know it had a name, she had no idea her son was a ‘School refuser’. He was too old for support from the Helath visitor, his needs weren’t considered great enough to warrant a referral to CAMHS so P and his mum were alone.

In junior school P began to hide from his teachers at times he knew he couldnt cope. He would go to the toilet and not return causing the teacher or TA to go hunting for his new hiding place and spending precious time persuading him to come out. He was told he was not trying hard enough and that he mustn’t refuse to speak when he was asked a question in class. His teachers knew he was bright but felt he wasn’t working hard enough and said he really needed to ‘apply himself’.

He fidgeted and tapped his pencils and feet disturbing the other children in the class. He chewed his clothes, his school books and school equipment much to the annoyance of everyone. He was the last to class and often late, walking as slowly as he could to each lesson often forgetting or losing things along the way. P was *That Kid* and his mother was, well you know, one of *those parents*. A parent alone and unsupported. A parent judged and dismissed for never agreeing that it was a ‘home based problem’ or one which would be solved by attending a parenting course. A parent who fought tirelessly right up until year 5 when P was diagnosed with a significant anxiety disorder and Asperger Syndrome.

P wasn’t naughty and P’s mum wasn’t a bad parent. P was living everyday terrified to go to school. Terrified of the social interactions he so desperately wanted to master. Overwhelmed by the crowds and noise in the playground before school, in the corridors, at playtime and he was expected to cope with all of this whilst wearing clothes that made his skin feel like it was on fire. Unable to focus or sit still, unable to organise his own thoughts and feelings let alone the equipment needed for each lesson.

P went on to develop serious mental health problems after years of what he described as being ‘pure torture’. P’s secondary school said his behaviour was attention seeking and that his mother was just too anxious and overprotective. P announced to his teachers that he went to school for an education, not to make friends and refused to go outside at break times.

His school viewed this as defiance so rather than looking deeper, and against the professional advice, they took their own path of support placing P in social situations which he neither had the skills nor the mental health to cope with, and it was only at crisis point that he got the help he so desperately needed. He was out of formal education for 18 months whilst he recovered.

He had already experienced years of disrupted education from being viewed as *That Kid*. His needs had been overlooked. His background hadn’t been considered. Why had no one ever asked those questions? Never listened to his desperate mother? Never looked deeper than what they saw on the surface? Instead they questioned his diagnoses and the support suggested by professionals designed to help him. What he needed was nurture and guidance to help him into trusting relationships where his needs could have been uncovered so much sooner.

For many years P’s mother had been told he was ‘too bright for a Statement of SEN’ but he couldn’t go back to mainstream school. She fought tirelessly through Tribunals and the High Court where her parenting was scrutinised, where she was again villainised for not agreeing with the education authority.

Despite the odds being stacked against them, she won…..P went on to receive specialist help for 18 months and his life began to change for the better. He had teachers who looked deeper, who saw a desperate child in need of their help and guidance. They gave him space and time to consider another way of dealing with situations. They praised and encouraged every small achievement and stood by his side through his bad choices.

He is at University no with a Tutor who accepts P as the amazing talented person he is. He owns his own car which he pays for with his part time job. He’s in a relationship with another autistic person and he’s finally experiencing the stability and understanding he’s craved throughout his precious childhood. P lives with anxiety and challenge every moment of everyday but he looks forward to the future now and P wants to live.

‘Dealing with *That Kid*’ isn’t an option to be considered. They need you more than the others and yes, they will take up more time and resources than others, but *That Kid* is just as valid as everyone else and deserves a childhood free from unnecessary pain. If you have the power to help how can you even consider not looking past the challenges and seeing a child in need of support and understanding rather than *That Kid*?